As a business owner, creative entrepreneur, wife and mother, I am intrigued by all methods and tools that help me, as well as my clients in living our authentic lives in balance and harmony.
I am all for mindfulness, living in the now, and enjoying life to the fullest, but let’s face it; everyday life in a busy world requires much more than the act of being present. Whether we like it or not we all have to think about our future, and plan it to some extent. Waking up, getting dressed, preparing meals, raising our children, cleaning the house, doing laundry, paying the bills, shopping for necessities, exercising, going to work, having a productive day, responding to our clients, and creating the groundwork for our next step in life and in business…. well, all this and more involves future-minded planning efforts.
As much as I love being in a simplified, clean, calm and organized home, getting it to that point, meaning the cleaning and tidying part, is not exactly on the my top ten list of favorite things to do. I would not exactly label myself as a 'domestic goddess' and I would much rather be fully calm and present with a great book or even sit in front of the computer doing research, communicating with others, or writing or simply goofing off and having fun with my kids. But, since those pleasantly creative and leisurely activities do not provide me with the surroundings I love living and creating in, I choose to get off my butt every now and again and get to work on creating the environment of my dreams. Although, my ego sometimes dreads the thought of cleaning and organizing, once I am “on it” I can’t help but feel energized by the creative power that starts flowing through me and from me. Not to mention the bliss I get from getting to live in the results of my labor. A simple surrounding helps my overly active mind calm down and be present and I feel more energetic and creative which positively affects all areas of my life. So, every now and again, the ‘domestic goddess’ has to be called upon to whip things into shape!
A crucial component to finding balance and calm in your home or workspace is committing to simplicity. When our spaces are cluttered, our minds are cluttered and we are bombarded with stimulating reminders of the things we ‘should’ be doing or ‘should’ get to, making it hard to focus on whatever it is we are doing in the moment. Getting your surroundings simplified and organized can do more for your emotional well-being than a long relaxing trip to an exotic island because you are creating an environment that affects you in your everyday life. As an interior designer I have witnessed people completely transform as their surroundings get transformed. By simplifying your surroundings, you are destined to simplify your life!
Once you have a system in place the actual work of keeping it that way is not so hard, although definitely just as important. Getting your surroundings organized in the first place is the part that requires most of the planning and effort.
In case you are interested in embarking upon a simplification journey here is some advice on how to tackle such a project:
1. Create an action plan. List out the rooms or areas that you want to have organized and write out some goals for the spaces. State what you want to achieve and how you will feel when you have achieved just that. Start with the most important room or area, predetermine the order that follows and work ONLY on one space at a time.
2. Commit to the process. Rome was not built in a day! Acknowledge that it is consistency with the small things that makes the biggest impact. Many small changes will create a BIG change. Just keep at it, commit to the process and do not give up!
3. Get real with your time and decide how much time you can commit to doing the work. Whether it is a half hour a day or a couple of hours every few days, just make that time your “on it” time. Chances are you will get an even bigger ‘time reality check’ and get more skillful with your time management if you time yourself with a timer. We can learn a lot about how long things take to complete and how much we can get done in a certain amount of time if we apply a timing exercise. If you only have 15 minutes a day to work on organizing your spaces, then set the timer and use up those 15 minutes each and every day, one room at a time. Within a week or a month you will see an enormous difference and all it took was 15 minutes a day!
4. Make it fun. Setting the timer and treating this like a fun race can be lots of fun, and/or you put on your favorite music, and sing and dance while you are at it.
5. Organize with these three steps in mind:
a. Sort and Purge. Get rid of everything that is unnecessary. Sort like things with like things. Only keep what you need and use on a regular basis. If you have not used something for more than 2 years, chances of you ever needing it again are very slim. Remember that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure so make sure to donate all useable items, and do not add to yet another landfill for no good reason.
b. Create zones and homes. When a “thing” has a home to go to at the end of the day it is much easier to keep things simplified and organized. Use logical systems such as placing ‘like with like’, storing things in the areas you are most likely to use them, placing frequently used things within easy reach while seldom used items can move to the harder to reach storage spaces, placing heavy stuff at the bottom, and lighter on top, storing things in appropriate containers, and just label, label, label.
c. Customize to make it fit YOU. Make your organization system work for the way YOU work and just be realistic with it. Research some organizational systems and invest in the right storage system and containers for YOU but only after you know exactly what you intend to do with it and how you intend to use it. Otherwise, you may just be adding containers and stuff to the clutter instead of actually organizing it.
6. Celebrate the Outcome. Make sure to value your accomplishment and celebrate the simplified surrounding. You just created a fresh start!
7. Maintain, maintain, maintain. It is easy to forget to ‘keep at it’ once the system is in place but maintaining is the most crucial aspect of living a simplified life in a simplified surrounding.
a. Create an action plan of how you are going to maintain the order and calmness. Do a daily/weekly/monthly action plan of things to tackle, such as sorting through the junk drawer & pantry once a month, sorting letters and filing important papers once a week, doing a 15 minute sweep-through each day etc.
b. Commit to the process. Just keep at it, clean and organize as you go, every little action makes a difference; it is consistency with the small things that makes the BIG impact.
c. Get real with your time and make it fun. The 15 minutes a day “laundry basket exercise” is immensely effective. It entails briskly walking through your spaces with a basket to grab all things that are out of place and then taking them back to their ‘homes’, perhaps while you’re also blasting your favorite music or turn it into a race with your kids seeing who picks up the most toys and stuff.
d. Use the trip. This is a simple, little, mindful technique that I personally use to simplify my efforts and maximizing my ‘trips’. It entails doing a short, little peak-over the room that I am in when I am off getting something or doing something to see if there is anything in the room I am in that does not belong there and lives in an area I might be going back to or passing by on my way to where it is I am going next. The simple act of being ‘mindful and noticing’ can save you a lot of time and help you prevent the buildup of clutter in the first place.
As contradictory as it may sound it is also important to not get over-consumed with organization and feel as if you have to keep everything ‘perfect’ all the time. ‘Stuff happens’ and it can actually happen quite quickly. We all have different preferences for aesthetics and different tolerances for clutter in our surroundings, and we all operate differently. Personally, I may be on the somewhat extreme end of the spectrum in that I simply love complete simplicity and would like nothing more than to have a totally clear and calm house and office with every little thing out of sight and in its place. But, the truth is that this is contradictory to how I actually operate which is often moving quickly from one thing to the next, not wrapping up the last thing I was working on before I am off floating along with the power of creativity. In addition, I also share a home with two active and creative kids who do the exact same thing, and tend to move from one project and experiment to the next one so clutter can accumulate quite quickly in our home. And, since I consciously choose to be a pretty laid back mom, I do not let myself get bent out of shape about every little thing that is out of place so our commitments entail sticking to our system of consistently cleaning up after ourselves ‘after the fact’. As a result, the 15 minute ‘laundry basket exercise’ is a regular exercise at our house and those 15 minutes can literally create a major transformation. Fifteen minutes a day is usually all the time needed to put everything back in its place. The thing is that when we have no more stuff than we actually use and need, and every little ‘thing’ has a ‘home’, it really is no big deal to have it all go out of its place for a while because the system you’ve created ensures that putting it back in its place is fast and easy, and you can easily recreate simplicity, balance and calmness in your surroundings and in your life. Then, all that is left is sitting down with a warm cup of tea and a great book… and just enjoy!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tuning into YOU - Committing to YOU!
How aware are you of your inner Self? Who really is this person you refer to as “I” or “ME”?
Who is the YOU that rests behind the story of who you “think” you are?
You are not your body nor are you your mind although both are tools that are absolutely necessary for you to live and thrive in your human existence.
Our mind is our ego's tool and it likes to believe that it is in charge! It is the computer that comes up with all the stories we consciously and subconsciously create for ourselves and for the people and events in our lives. Our brain’s job is to make sense of everything so it constantly analyzes and groups and categorizes information and creates systems of how everything works and operates.
In your first few years of life your brain is like a sponge, soaking up all the information that comes its way, trusting that this information is true and authentic, working non-stop on grouping and categorizing the information so it can create a system that ensures your survival in the world. When we were children our minds did not really question what adults said and did, we simply received the information, analyzed it and judged where it belonged and speedily placed it into the “right” group and category. “OK, to stay out of trouble - do NOT do ‘this’”, “To get approval – Do ‘that’” etc.
The variable is that not all of us are raised in the same environment and not all are raised in a truly positive and nurturing environment. Some are raised in a more ‘negative’ environment than others and receive less unconditional love, and affection, freedom and encouragement so the lens from which we view the world gets skewed or “dirty” and we view the world as if we are looking through grey colored and spotted lenses. The world may even appear to be quite dark and scary and it does not feel like a safe and happy place in any way.
When we let our often poorly programmed minds run the show we tend to be strictly reactive in our responses to whatever stimuli we receive. We come only from what we know, and use our past as a sure predictor of the future. We see and we hear, and feel we can completely trust our perception for nothing has ever proved to us that what we see and hear is not what really is… so it must be true! Our facts are THE facts!
People look at us funny and we assume they must be thinking something negative about us so our reactive mode kicks in, thinking, “Oh, I know ‘this’ look!”… “I’ve seen it before somewhere (or at least one similar to it) so it goes into ‘that’ category, it means ‘this’ to me”. And, our mood goes down, perhaps for the rest of the day or even for the rest of the week, and we feel completely out of balance, angry or belittled or embarrassed or anxious or something. While the fact of the matter could be that the person looking at us was having indigestion issues and just happened to look your way at the same time as their intestines cramped and they frowned and gave an impression of dislike. What do we know?! That might just as well be the case for we simply assumed we knew exactly what was going on, and our mind created a story based on past events of having been judged in some way. It can actually be quite funny to catch your mind in the act of judging and reacting. It does it so quickly that you often do not catch it until it’s already far ahead in the process.
We all have a tendency to judge, but we also have a choice on whether or not to believe or even react to those often automatic judgments.
To become less reactive in our lives we have to train ourselves to ‘catch our mind in the act’ and we can choose to retrain our minds to be more open, loving and thankful or in other words more positive and optimistic and hence much happier!
“It used to be that ‘positive thinking motivators’ of the past like Norman Vincent Peale, Napoleon Hill and Emmet Fox were ridiculed by intellectuals as being secular evangelists who purveyed false hope to hopeless followers. The only thing they couldn’t explain was that their recommended thinking practices actually WORKED and made people successful. They couldn’t explain that. But now! Now that biology has caught up with people who motivate people (and people who motivate themselves) it is proven that the brain actually physically changes and adds capacities it didn’t have when you practice self-disciplined learning and new thinking. (Like learning to think like an owner and not a victim. Like creating rather than reacting.)" –Stephen Chandler, 2009.
Our way of thinking is not permanent or fixed, nor is your personality determined by your DNA.
At any given moment you can choose to modify or even completely change your habitual ways of thinking and your habitual ways of viewing the world and instead create something you actually WANT in your life. You can create the YOU that you want to be! There is no truth in thinking, “I am who I am and there is nothing I can do about it!” for too many people have already proved that hypothesis wrong by doing a 180 in their lives and changing themselves completely and have become more authentic and expressive of who they REALLY are… and are now much happier and more joyous and peaceful. Today’s neuroscience discoveries are backing this human ability up 100%. (For more on that research a wonderful book to read is “The Brain that Changes Itself”).
So why are some people so much more open, loving and thankful than others? And, why are they so darn happy all the time? Why can some people see the best in every situation while others see the worst?
Yes, some had a great head start by being raised in a positive and upbeat environment, learning early on to use their minds in a positive manner while others had to learn the hard-er way and perhaps noticed much later on that what they had been told was true was not the absolute truth at all! Those people began looking around and started wondering; “Is this really all there is to this? Could there be something more? Could there be another way of being?”… and… then they simply declared to themselves that they would seek that out and start doing things differently! They decided to change and in essence CHOSE to be positive and optimistic, and they chose to embark upon personal growth journeys so they would make sure they’d get there and they chose to see the best in every situation, and by making all these courageous choices they went ahead and even changed their brains! It seems that all we have to do is make a choice of who we want to be and how we want to live. If something is not serving us anymore… we go ahead and do what it takes to change it. We commit to figuring it out and commit to putting ourselves first.
By committing to yourself and to your personal growth and creating time to reflect and be with your Self in solitude every now and again, you can start to truly create your dream life into existence and not just be a reactive being on autopilot mode. By asking your spirit questions such as “What do I want?” “Who am I really?” “What is truly important to me?” “What truly matters in life?” “What do I want to create?” “What do I have to change to live the life I want to live?” “Who do I have to be to get everything I want out of life?”… Not only will you be able to find the answers to life’s big questions but you will be tuning into the REAL YOU and find that you are able to create what you want into existence.
So to truly hit the START button towards a courageous, creative and HAPPY life we have to work on some positive programming and do that on a regular basis, by creating the discipline to do the following;
1. Journaling on whatever is resting in your mind… challenges, accomplishments, breakthroughs…
2. Placing ourselves in a positive and creative mindset by writing out words of gratitude for what already is wonderful in our lives and writing out words of affirmations for what it is that we want to achieve and can see ourselves achieving….
3. Placing ourselves in a positive and happy mindset by seeking out positive and uplifting people, reading positive and uplifting books, watching positive, funny and uplifting movies, listening to upbeat and inspiring music, playing and goofing off with friends, and our spouses and children and doing the activities we love doing.
4. And, last but not least, find a mentor with a clear perspective who can serve as our motivator, challenger and accountability partner to keep us working towards our goals and helping us create new launching pads from which to jump even further forwards than we ever dreamed we could!
We often get caught up in the trap of “thinking” that if only the outside world would change then we would be so much happier and everything would be better but the truth is that the only thing you can change is YOU! Positive change that comes from within radiates out into the world like a bright beacon of light and affects everyone around you in a positive way. By changing ourselves for the better we change everything for the better, and we change the dynamics in your relationships with other people, and hence create even more joy and happiness in our lives. For the world to change; we have to change! So commit to YOU!
Why not start tuning into YOU today?!
Who is the YOU that rests behind the story of who you “think” you are?
You are not your body nor are you your mind although both are tools that are absolutely necessary for you to live and thrive in your human existence.
Our mind is our ego's tool and it likes to believe that it is in charge! It is the computer that comes up with all the stories we consciously and subconsciously create for ourselves and for the people and events in our lives. Our brain’s job is to make sense of everything so it constantly analyzes and groups and categorizes information and creates systems of how everything works and operates.
In your first few years of life your brain is like a sponge, soaking up all the information that comes its way, trusting that this information is true and authentic, working non-stop on grouping and categorizing the information so it can create a system that ensures your survival in the world. When we were children our minds did not really question what adults said and did, we simply received the information, analyzed it and judged where it belonged and speedily placed it into the “right” group and category. “OK, to stay out of trouble - do NOT do ‘this’”, “To get approval – Do ‘that’” etc.
The variable is that not all of us are raised in the same environment and not all are raised in a truly positive and nurturing environment. Some are raised in a more ‘negative’ environment than others and receive less unconditional love, and affection, freedom and encouragement so the lens from which we view the world gets skewed or “dirty” and we view the world as if we are looking through grey colored and spotted lenses. The world may even appear to be quite dark and scary and it does not feel like a safe and happy place in any way.
When we let our often poorly programmed minds run the show we tend to be strictly reactive in our responses to whatever stimuli we receive. We come only from what we know, and use our past as a sure predictor of the future. We see and we hear, and feel we can completely trust our perception for nothing has ever proved to us that what we see and hear is not what really is… so it must be true! Our facts are THE facts!
People look at us funny and we assume they must be thinking something negative about us so our reactive mode kicks in, thinking, “Oh, I know ‘this’ look!”… “I’ve seen it before somewhere (or at least one similar to it) so it goes into ‘that’ category, it means ‘this’ to me”. And, our mood goes down, perhaps for the rest of the day or even for the rest of the week, and we feel completely out of balance, angry or belittled or embarrassed or anxious or something. While the fact of the matter could be that the person looking at us was having indigestion issues and just happened to look your way at the same time as their intestines cramped and they frowned and gave an impression of dislike. What do we know?! That might just as well be the case for we simply assumed we knew exactly what was going on, and our mind created a story based on past events of having been judged in some way. It can actually be quite funny to catch your mind in the act of judging and reacting. It does it so quickly that you often do not catch it until it’s already far ahead in the process.
We all have a tendency to judge, but we also have a choice on whether or not to believe or even react to those often automatic judgments.
To become less reactive in our lives we have to train ourselves to ‘catch our mind in the act’ and we can choose to retrain our minds to be more open, loving and thankful or in other words more positive and optimistic and hence much happier!
“It used to be that ‘positive thinking motivators’ of the past like Norman Vincent Peale, Napoleon Hill and Emmet Fox were ridiculed by intellectuals as being secular evangelists who purveyed false hope to hopeless followers. The only thing they couldn’t explain was that their recommended thinking practices actually WORKED and made people successful. They couldn’t explain that. But now! Now that biology has caught up with people who motivate people (and people who motivate themselves) it is proven that the brain actually physically changes and adds capacities it didn’t have when you practice self-disciplined learning and new thinking. (Like learning to think like an owner and not a victim. Like creating rather than reacting.)" –Stephen Chandler, 2009.
Our way of thinking is not permanent or fixed, nor is your personality determined by your DNA.
At any given moment you can choose to modify or even completely change your habitual ways of thinking and your habitual ways of viewing the world and instead create something you actually WANT in your life. You can create the YOU that you want to be! There is no truth in thinking, “I am who I am and there is nothing I can do about it!” for too many people have already proved that hypothesis wrong by doing a 180 in their lives and changing themselves completely and have become more authentic and expressive of who they REALLY are… and are now much happier and more joyous and peaceful. Today’s neuroscience discoveries are backing this human ability up 100%. (For more on that research a wonderful book to read is “The Brain that Changes Itself”).
So why are some people so much more open, loving and thankful than others? And, why are they so darn happy all the time? Why can some people see the best in every situation while others see the worst?
Yes, some had a great head start by being raised in a positive and upbeat environment, learning early on to use their minds in a positive manner while others had to learn the hard-er way and perhaps noticed much later on that what they had been told was true was not the absolute truth at all! Those people began looking around and started wondering; “Is this really all there is to this? Could there be something more? Could there be another way of being?”… and… then they simply declared to themselves that they would seek that out and start doing things differently! They decided to change and in essence CHOSE to be positive and optimistic, and they chose to embark upon personal growth journeys so they would make sure they’d get there and they chose to see the best in every situation, and by making all these courageous choices they went ahead and even changed their brains! It seems that all we have to do is make a choice of who we want to be and how we want to live. If something is not serving us anymore… we go ahead and do what it takes to change it. We commit to figuring it out and commit to putting ourselves first.
By committing to yourself and to your personal growth and creating time to reflect and be with your Self in solitude every now and again, you can start to truly create your dream life into existence and not just be a reactive being on autopilot mode. By asking your spirit questions such as “What do I want?” “Who am I really?” “What is truly important to me?” “What truly matters in life?” “What do I want to create?” “What do I have to change to live the life I want to live?” “Who do I have to be to get everything I want out of life?”… Not only will you be able to find the answers to life’s big questions but you will be tuning into the REAL YOU and find that you are able to create what you want into existence.
So to truly hit the START button towards a courageous, creative and HAPPY life we have to work on some positive programming and do that on a regular basis, by creating the discipline to do the following;
1. Journaling on whatever is resting in your mind… challenges, accomplishments, breakthroughs…
2. Placing ourselves in a positive and creative mindset by writing out words of gratitude for what already is wonderful in our lives and writing out words of affirmations for what it is that we want to achieve and can see ourselves achieving….
3. Placing ourselves in a positive and happy mindset by seeking out positive and uplifting people, reading positive and uplifting books, watching positive, funny and uplifting movies, listening to upbeat and inspiring music, playing and goofing off with friends, and our spouses and children and doing the activities we love doing.
4. And, last but not least, find a mentor with a clear perspective who can serve as our motivator, challenger and accountability partner to keep us working towards our goals and helping us create new launching pads from which to jump even further forwards than we ever dreamed we could!
We often get caught up in the trap of “thinking” that if only the outside world would change then we would be so much happier and everything would be better but the truth is that the only thing you can change is YOU! Positive change that comes from within radiates out into the world like a bright beacon of light and affects everyone around you in a positive way. By changing ourselves for the better we change everything for the better, and we change the dynamics in your relationships with other people, and hence create even more joy and happiness in our lives. For the world to change; we have to change! So commit to YOU!
Why not start tuning into YOU today?!
Friday, October 9, 2009
I am open, LOVING and thankful!
When you have an open, loving and thankful heart life is nothing short of perfect! Nothing really ticks you off that much and whatever occurs in your life you can handle because you know how to reconnect with love and recreate harmony and balance.
How open, loving and thankful are you in your heart?
Here are some questions for you to answer for yourself:
How open am I towards other people’s uniqueness and their differences from me and what I know?
• I am very open
• I am somewhat open
• I am a little open
• I am somewhat closed
• I am very closed.
How judgmental am I of other people?
• Very judgmental
• Somewhat judgmental
• A little judgmental
• Somewhat non-judgmental
• Very non-judgmental
How genuinely loving and affectionate am I towards other people?
• Very loving
• Quite loving
• A little loving
• Quite un-loving
• Very un-loving
How thankful am I for the people in my life and how expressive am I of gratitude towards them?
• I am very thankful / grateful
• I am quite thankful / grateful
• I am sometimes thankful / grateful
• I am quite unthankful / ungrateful
• I am very unthankful / ungrateful
The truth is that whenever you feel you are out of balance in your relationships with other people it is time for you to do something about YOU!
Our issues with other people have less to do with them than they have to do with ourselves. Are you lovingly asking for what you want and coming from a place of love in doing so? Do you feel that receiving other people’s love is based on fulfilling their conditions? Are you yourself being conditional in your expressions of love towards others?
How do you suppose you are really, truly coming across? How are you conveying your message and your point of view? What do your actions say? What are your words saying? Do your words come out clearly in your actions? What are your facial expressions conveying? How are you really communicating with other people?
What we give is usually very close to what we get! Which means that we have to start “owning the message” we give out into the world.
If we give a little love, we may get a little love, if we show a little acceptance, we may get a little acceptance, if we demonstrate a little gratitude, we may get a little gratitude, and so on an so forth. The same goes for not giving any of these things, if we do not give any, we can't be upset about not getting any. Yet, our whole motive cannot be about giving it “only” so I can get it! That’s not being unconditionally loving and it won't trick anyone for long.
Have you noticed how everybody loves being around people who know how to be unconditionally loving, and how those same loving people also seem to know how to respect and love themselves. Being an unconditionally loving person means we love without conditions, we are not expecting anything just because we are giving our love, but even so it still does NOT mean that we give our power away and take whatever we get and accept it!
Being unconditionally loving means we are willing to take the journey inwards and get real with where we are coming from and we are not focusing on receiving immediate results from the outside. We choose to stand by ourselves in knowing that our hearts will guide us and we rest assured in knowing we deserve to live life to the fullest and we deserve to truly love and be loved.
So if what we give is what we get, it makes sense for us to genuinely ask ourselves the following questions:
“What am I giving?”, “What am I REALLY giving?”, “What am I creating?”, “What am I putting out there?”, “How am I making a difference in other people’s lives?”, “Do I have a positive effect on the people I love?” “Am I open, loving and thankful as a human being?”
Whoever comes from an open, loving and thankful heart has a positive effect on other people even when they are not intentionally trying to do so. An open, loving and thankful person receives back what they put out, both from other people and from the Universe. Loving people are loved.
Our Creator designed us to be open, loving and thankful. It is our true nature and how we are intended to be. Jesus preached love and forgiveness. We all know this yet we sometimes find ourselves moving far, far away from exactly what it is we want most in our lives and are craving so desperately in our hearts and in our spirits.
You are here to love and be loved! You would not want to deny yourself of that experience, and you can quite easily have just this, yet only the first part is within your control. So how can YOU be an even more loving person?
You can start by getting real with what it is that you are REALLY putting out there.
You can ask yourself; “How can I express more acceptance, understanding, love, affection, gratitude and forgiveness to other people?”, “How can I be more godly in my thoughts, actions and in my being?”
If you are not feeling as loved as you would want to feel and not being as expressive of love as you would like to be, then you can change the little glitch in the system… you can elevate your spirit and reprogram the mind-computer:) and create balance and harmony in your life.
As a reprogramming exercise you can repeat to yourself, over and over again, until it becomes “ingrained” in your mind as a natural way of being, day after day until you truly feel it in your heart and in your soul;
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful…
If you want it – you have to give it!
If you give it – you will get it!
How open, loving and thankful are you in your heart?
Here are some questions for you to answer for yourself:
How open am I towards other people’s uniqueness and their differences from me and what I know?
• I am very open
• I am somewhat open
• I am a little open
• I am somewhat closed
• I am very closed.
How judgmental am I of other people?
• Very judgmental
• Somewhat judgmental
• A little judgmental
• Somewhat non-judgmental
• Very non-judgmental
How genuinely loving and affectionate am I towards other people?
• Very loving
• Quite loving
• A little loving
• Quite un-loving
• Very un-loving
How thankful am I for the people in my life and how expressive am I of gratitude towards them?
• I am very thankful / grateful
• I am quite thankful / grateful
• I am sometimes thankful / grateful
• I am quite unthankful / ungrateful
• I am very unthankful / ungrateful
The truth is that whenever you feel you are out of balance in your relationships with other people it is time for you to do something about YOU!
Our issues with other people have less to do with them than they have to do with ourselves. Are you lovingly asking for what you want and coming from a place of love in doing so? Do you feel that receiving other people’s love is based on fulfilling their conditions? Are you yourself being conditional in your expressions of love towards others?
How do you suppose you are really, truly coming across? How are you conveying your message and your point of view? What do your actions say? What are your words saying? Do your words come out clearly in your actions? What are your facial expressions conveying? How are you really communicating with other people?
What we give is usually very close to what we get! Which means that we have to start “owning the message” we give out into the world.
If we give a little love, we may get a little love, if we show a little acceptance, we may get a little acceptance, if we demonstrate a little gratitude, we may get a little gratitude, and so on an so forth. The same goes for not giving any of these things, if we do not give any, we can't be upset about not getting any. Yet, our whole motive cannot be about giving it “only” so I can get it! That’s not being unconditionally loving and it won't trick anyone for long.
Have you noticed how everybody loves being around people who know how to be unconditionally loving, and how those same loving people also seem to know how to respect and love themselves. Being an unconditionally loving person means we love without conditions, we are not expecting anything just because we are giving our love, but even so it still does NOT mean that we give our power away and take whatever we get and accept it!
Being unconditionally loving means we are willing to take the journey inwards and get real with where we are coming from and we are not focusing on receiving immediate results from the outside. We choose to stand by ourselves in knowing that our hearts will guide us and we rest assured in knowing we deserve to live life to the fullest and we deserve to truly love and be loved.
So if what we give is what we get, it makes sense for us to genuinely ask ourselves the following questions:
“What am I giving?”, “What am I REALLY giving?”, “What am I creating?”, “What am I putting out there?”, “How am I making a difference in other people’s lives?”, “Do I have a positive effect on the people I love?” “Am I open, loving and thankful as a human being?”
Whoever comes from an open, loving and thankful heart has a positive effect on other people even when they are not intentionally trying to do so. An open, loving and thankful person receives back what they put out, both from other people and from the Universe. Loving people are loved.
Our Creator designed us to be open, loving and thankful. It is our true nature and how we are intended to be. Jesus preached love and forgiveness. We all know this yet we sometimes find ourselves moving far, far away from exactly what it is we want most in our lives and are craving so desperately in our hearts and in our spirits.
You are here to love and be loved! You would not want to deny yourself of that experience, and you can quite easily have just this, yet only the first part is within your control. So how can YOU be an even more loving person?
You can start by getting real with what it is that you are REALLY putting out there.
You can ask yourself; “How can I express more acceptance, understanding, love, affection, gratitude and forgiveness to other people?”, “How can I be more godly in my thoughts, actions and in my being?”
If you are not feeling as loved as you would want to feel and not being as expressive of love as you would like to be, then you can change the little glitch in the system… you can elevate your spirit and reprogram the mind-computer:) and create balance and harmony in your life.
As a reprogramming exercise you can repeat to yourself, over and over again, until it becomes “ingrained” in your mind as a natural way of being, day after day until you truly feel it in your heart and in your soul;
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful
I am open, loving and thankful…
If you want it – you have to give it!
If you give it – you will get it!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Fake it till you make it!
Many years ago when I was a quiet and reserved girl in college, my girlfriend suggested we’d sign up for the theater together. Something in me sparked by that suggestion and as outrageous as that felt for someone who was as afraid of judgment as I was, I simply knew I had to do it. It is amazing how your spirit has a way of guiding you in the right direction.
Our director was wonderful; a young and enthusiastic actor who showed up with passion and power for two whole semesters and picked out a challenging play for us to perform; Shakespeare’s Midsummer’s Night Dream.
On one of our first nights with him he used a common phrase; “you just have to fake it till you make it”. Man, did that one simple line resonate with me or what!? It pretty much became a mantra of mine for the next few years. I was definitely not comfortable with being in the “spotlight” in any way and feared even the thought of people judging me. Yet, that night I had a major light-bulb moment in realizing that nobody else actually knew this about me, meaning I could simply “act” as if being on stage and acting came easy to me. It sounded so simple, really. All I had to do was fake it!
I must admit that I did not show any remarkable acting skills playing Queen Titania, as I had a hard time stepping out of my self-consciousness, but the experience helped the ‘Real Me’ peak out of her shell a little bit even though only for a few seconds at a time. My choice to sign up for the school’s theater was definitely instrumental in my life and taught me new things about myself, such as that there were things I could do that I might think I couldn’t do. Whenever we step out of our comfort zones we tend to surprise ourselves with our own strength and courage which helps us gain more confidence for future challenges.
Later, I even jumped on the opportunity to participate in beauty pageants which felt somewhat “wrong” and outrageous at the time, and still later I decided to take some classes in public speaking to get more comfortable with speaking in front of people.
The girl that once clung on to her own few friends at parties and usually kept her head down to avoid having to make eye-contact, often counting the lines in the pavement, had surely faked her way towards appearing somewhat at ease in front of groups of people. Who would have thought she could do that?! Yet, nobody really knew that this wasn’t at all that easy for me. It is not as if I ever acted as if it was all that hard. I sort of kept that part to myself because in a way I was embarrassed for not having more confidence and for having so much self-doubt and fear in me.
The good thing is that I ended up being so good at faking it that eventually I fooled even myself and developed a new persona. In a way, faking it had caused me to make it! I really had become more comfortable with being in front of people; I was actually able to talk to groups of them and present my designs and my thoughts and ideas fully knowing I would get responses and even judgments, and that I might have to defend (or at least clarify) my creations and my perspective.
So, even though I purposely "force" myself to practice the art of simply being myself and I preach that same message to others, a part of me will always be the insecure little girl that once lived in a subsidized housing complex, and was embarrassed about who she was and where she came from. But, that part of me is the “old me”. The “old me” was brave enough to fake her way to become “the new me”, a designer, business consultant, life coach, writer and blogger, openly sharing intimate details about herself with no specific fear or remorse.
One day, I hope the “new me” will have become the “old me” as I will have taken even more steps towards being the absolute Real Me.
Perhaps the next time YOU hear that “old you” saying things such as; you can’t do something, or that you’re too shy, or not good enough, or don’t know how, or are too afraid, and what would people think?!, and so on and so forth, why not just disregard that voice altogether and choose to fake your way towards creating a “new you”? One who in essence is the “Real YOU”, who's just waiting for you to finally let YOU come out and play! It may not be easy at first; it may feel unreal, and even forced, and scary but know that with commitment, practice and repetition you are destined to get to where it is you want to go. All you have to do is let go of your fears. You may at first have to completely fake your way towards fearlessness, but rest assured in knowing that by faking it you are destined to make it!
Our director was wonderful; a young and enthusiastic actor who showed up with passion and power for two whole semesters and picked out a challenging play for us to perform; Shakespeare’s Midsummer’s Night Dream.
On one of our first nights with him he used a common phrase; “you just have to fake it till you make it”. Man, did that one simple line resonate with me or what!? It pretty much became a mantra of mine for the next few years. I was definitely not comfortable with being in the “spotlight” in any way and feared even the thought of people judging me. Yet, that night I had a major light-bulb moment in realizing that nobody else actually knew this about me, meaning I could simply “act” as if being on stage and acting came easy to me. It sounded so simple, really. All I had to do was fake it!
I must admit that I did not show any remarkable acting skills playing Queen Titania, as I had a hard time stepping out of my self-consciousness, but the experience helped the ‘Real Me’ peak out of her shell a little bit even though only for a few seconds at a time. My choice to sign up for the school’s theater was definitely instrumental in my life and taught me new things about myself, such as that there were things I could do that I might think I couldn’t do. Whenever we step out of our comfort zones we tend to surprise ourselves with our own strength and courage which helps us gain more confidence for future challenges.
Later, I even jumped on the opportunity to participate in beauty pageants which felt somewhat “wrong” and outrageous at the time, and still later I decided to take some classes in public speaking to get more comfortable with speaking in front of people.
The girl that once clung on to her own few friends at parties and usually kept her head down to avoid having to make eye-contact, often counting the lines in the pavement, had surely faked her way towards appearing somewhat at ease in front of groups of people. Who would have thought she could do that?! Yet, nobody really knew that this wasn’t at all that easy for me. It is not as if I ever acted as if it was all that hard. I sort of kept that part to myself because in a way I was embarrassed for not having more confidence and for having so much self-doubt and fear in me.
The good thing is that I ended up being so good at faking it that eventually I fooled even myself and developed a new persona. In a way, faking it had caused me to make it! I really had become more comfortable with being in front of people; I was actually able to talk to groups of them and present my designs and my thoughts and ideas fully knowing I would get responses and even judgments, and that I might have to defend (or at least clarify) my creations and my perspective.
So, even though I purposely "force" myself to practice the art of simply being myself and I preach that same message to others, a part of me will always be the insecure little girl that once lived in a subsidized housing complex, and was embarrassed about who she was and where she came from. But, that part of me is the “old me”. The “old me” was brave enough to fake her way to become “the new me”, a designer, business consultant, life coach, writer and blogger, openly sharing intimate details about herself with no specific fear or remorse.
One day, I hope the “new me” will have become the “old me” as I will have taken even more steps towards being the absolute Real Me.
Perhaps the next time YOU hear that “old you” saying things such as; you can’t do something, or that you’re too shy, or not good enough, or don’t know how, or are too afraid, and what would people think?!, and so on and so forth, why not just disregard that voice altogether and choose to fake your way towards creating a “new you”? One who in essence is the “Real YOU”, who's just waiting for you to finally let YOU come out and play! It may not be easy at first; it may feel unreal, and even forced, and scary but know that with commitment, practice and repetition you are destined to get to where it is you want to go. All you have to do is let go of your fears. You may at first have to completely fake your way towards fearlessness, but rest assured in knowing that by faking it you are destined to make it!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The POWER of Money...
As a service professional I found it interesting to discover that aside from our necessities (home, car and monthly groceries) our home’s lucid financial output goes to service industries, and I definitely would not want it any other way. I have been repulsed by mass consumption for too many years, so to actually get to be alive and witness that era come to an end and see it dwindling down is pure bliss for me. Why fear the state of the “current” economy? I was literally terrified of the “old” economy, the one we lived in 2007, merely two years ago.
The inevitable outcome of our mass consuming ways would surely be the utter completion of our natural resources, and if nothing would have stopped the shopaholics in their tracks, we were headed for disaster faster than we could have imagined. To me this felt like watching a train wreck in the making and wanting to desperately to slow down time so you can come up with some sort of a plan. The beauty of Creation is that the Universe has a way of taking care of itself. A house of cards, built on greed and ignorance is sure to come tumbling down, eventually. The international financial recession is the greatest blessing our future generations could have been given. It was as necessary as can be for the mass-consumption ideology to hit a major roadblock and for us, who are out to change the world to be given a platform from which to come up with a plan for creating a fresh and more sustainable world order.
Happiness can not be found inside of a handbag, shoes or designer jeans… although I do admit that all those things of man-created beauty do have their unique appeal:)… but who needs to have 10 pairs of jeans or designer bags, let alone 20 or, 40 or 100!? Contrary to what we all have been seeing on TV for years and years, happiness is not about getting and having stuff! You can NOT find it by acquiring more and more pointless and eventually useless junk! Yet, this is what the entire western world was lead to believe by large scale corporations and their ingenious marketers.
Capitalism in its old and traditional form is dead! It will never again be as it once was. Our future transactions will more likely be about investing in each other’s services than investing in meaningless, and inevitably deteriorating, materialistic things, and hence depleting our planet of its beauty and splendor. Now, isn’t that great!? I mean, who wants their life to be about materialism and consumption anyway? Isn’t there much more to it than that?! And, isn’t it time we all found out!?
Now, I must say, that a certain level of happiness can be found by using money as the positive and creative energy that it can be. Immense happiness can be found by making a difference in the world, by supporting a good cause, by giving to others, to strangers, family and friends, and giving to yourself when you take care of you, body, mind and spirit and do what you love doing. And, once again, for the record, taking care of you is NOT about buying you some more stuff.
How you use money affects the world we live in, and creates the world our children will inherit. Money is energy and POWER so set your priorities straight and get conscious with what you are creating each and every time you choose to make a transaction. You truly hold the power to shape the world.
I would much rather pay someone $100 to give me a healing massage that heals my body, mind and spirit, than buy a new piece of clothing that is destined to end up in a landfill.
I would much rather pay someone $1000 to teach me a new skill and mindset that will help me live a fuller life and be of greater service to others than buy a fancy designer handbag to add to yet another landfill.
I would much rather spend $400 more a month on ethical and organic food than support corrupt corporations that do not care about the health of their consumers.
I would much rather give Unicef $5000 and help educate and feed hundreds of beautiful children than get a tummy tuck to soothe my ego’s vanity.
I would much rather buy a small, sustainably designed house that minimizes our environmental impact than invest in a large, wastefully designed McMansion for the same price.
Now, what would YOU like to do with your money and how do YOU use the creative power it holds? If every transaction you make helps shape the world… what kind of a world are you creating? YOU are, and always will be the POWERFUL CREATOR of YOUR REALITY! Now, go get creative with the way you use money...
The inevitable outcome of our mass consuming ways would surely be the utter completion of our natural resources, and if nothing would have stopped the shopaholics in their tracks, we were headed for disaster faster than we could have imagined. To me this felt like watching a train wreck in the making and wanting to desperately to slow down time so you can come up with some sort of a plan. The beauty of Creation is that the Universe has a way of taking care of itself. A house of cards, built on greed and ignorance is sure to come tumbling down, eventually. The international financial recession is the greatest blessing our future generations could have been given. It was as necessary as can be for the mass-consumption ideology to hit a major roadblock and for us, who are out to change the world to be given a platform from which to come up with a plan for creating a fresh and more sustainable world order.
Happiness can not be found inside of a handbag, shoes or designer jeans… although I do admit that all those things of man-created beauty do have their unique appeal:)… but who needs to have 10 pairs of jeans or designer bags, let alone 20 or, 40 or 100!? Contrary to what we all have been seeing on TV for years and years, happiness is not about getting and having stuff! You can NOT find it by acquiring more and more pointless and eventually useless junk! Yet, this is what the entire western world was lead to believe by large scale corporations and their ingenious marketers.
Capitalism in its old and traditional form is dead! It will never again be as it once was. Our future transactions will more likely be about investing in each other’s services than investing in meaningless, and inevitably deteriorating, materialistic things, and hence depleting our planet of its beauty and splendor. Now, isn’t that great!? I mean, who wants their life to be about materialism and consumption anyway? Isn’t there much more to it than that?! And, isn’t it time we all found out!?
Now, I must say, that a certain level of happiness can be found by using money as the positive and creative energy that it can be. Immense happiness can be found by making a difference in the world, by supporting a good cause, by giving to others, to strangers, family and friends, and giving to yourself when you take care of you, body, mind and spirit and do what you love doing. And, once again, for the record, taking care of you is NOT about buying you some more stuff.
How you use money affects the world we live in, and creates the world our children will inherit. Money is energy and POWER so set your priorities straight and get conscious with what you are creating each and every time you choose to make a transaction. You truly hold the power to shape the world.
I would much rather pay someone $100 to give me a healing massage that heals my body, mind and spirit, than buy a new piece of clothing that is destined to end up in a landfill.
I would much rather pay someone $1000 to teach me a new skill and mindset that will help me live a fuller life and be of greater service to others than buy a fancy designer handbag to add to yet another landfill.
I would much rather spend $400 more a month on ethical and organic food than support corrupt corporations that do not care about the health of their consumers.
I would much rather give Unicef $5000 and help educate and feed hundreds of beautiful children than get a tummy tuck to soothe my ego’s vanity.
I would much rather buy a small, sustainably designed house that minimizes our environmental impact than invest in a large, wastefully designed McMansion for the same price.
Now, what would YOU like to do with your money and how do YOU use the creative power it holds? If every transaction you make helps shape the world… what kind of a world are you creating? YOU are, and always will be the POWERFUL CREATOR of YOUR REALITY! Now, go get creative with the way you use money...
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